I need to start keeping a list of all the hearts I have broken. Each time I break one I turn back to Alex, the original first broken heart. And he accepts me back into his arms and tells me I'm insane.
I think he's right.
Sanity is seldom in my mind. I am impulsive and jumpy, my moods are mostly very low but on occasion they are so high I could be stoned. My brain chemistry is messed up and, as a result, so am I. I don't want pity - I know this is how I am and there is no changing that - I just need to document it. I need you all to know I'm not oblivious to the way I am.
I will, potentially, die alone. I'm not okay with that but it's fact, there is no changing fact. This is who I am and this is who I will be for the rest of my days. I will talk to myself and inanimate objects. I will confide in books and animals. I will continue an imaginary relationship with someone in a novel until I move on to the next; minor commitment, I can jump ship when I like. Chop, change and run.
I'm more messed up that most people know - and I'm not okay with that. But it's fact.
I think he's right.
Sanity is seldom in my mind. I am impulsive and jumpy, my moods are mostly very low but on occasion they are so high I could be stoned. My brain chemistry is messed up and, as a result, so am I. I don't want pity - I know this is how I am and there is no changing that - I just need to document it. I need you all to know I'm not oblivious to the way I am.
I will, potentially, die alone. I'm not okay with that but it's fact, there is no changing fact. This is who I am and this is who I will be for the rest of my days. I will talk to myself and inanimate objects. I will confide in books and animals. I will continue an imaginary relationship with someone in a novel until I move on to the next; minor commitment, I can jump ship when I like. Chop, change and run.
I'm more messed up that most people know - and I'm not okay with that. But it's fact.
No comments:
Post a Comment