(Quote by Sabrina Ward Harrison)
This blog was going to be about sociophobia, for lack of a better word, but I have somehow lost interest in that. There wasn't much to be interested in. Some words and punctuation; but nothing much important.
No. Instead I guess I should tell you about my day and maybe a few general observations.
I had my last session with Joe (although he has put in for more under a number of circumstances i.e. Chronic depression, lack of social interaction, trust issues, suicidal and liable to self injure) and it went well - in a sense. I defended again, as usual. Pulled my knees up beneath my chin and just talked and watched and listened. He said something, I don't know what, but it just cut something. I started to cry and just rambled on about how I am this insignificant being. I give and give and eventually I cut off because, in turn, I am cut off. It's difficult to explain. I can't afford my rent, I'm in a relationship I don't want, I have major commitment issues, my only friend (my brother) is Alex, everyone else will leave - so much little petty things and they all just came spilling out.
I'm ashamed.
I came home and just went to bed. I was desperate not to eat but my stomach was on the verge of doubling me over so I did. Then I slept.
There's no point to this blog today - nothing at all. Except this: I can't live in this house for much longer or I'll lose my mind, they might lose a daughter. I'm in a course I hate, with a job I hate and an impending work experience which I will hate. I'm in a draining relationship which will go no where because I don't do commitment. I can't sleep, I don't physically want to eat but I do because it keeps people happy and it's just a struggle to get up in the morning. I think about suicide more times in one day/night than I can count. I feel as if my life is never going to begin and I'm this ghost that no one sees or cares about.
I don't expect you to understand. Why would you? You're a blog.
This blog was going to be about sociophobia, for lack of a better word, but I have somehow lost interest in that. There wasn't much to be interested in. Some words and punctuation; but nothing much important.
No. Instead I guess I should tell you about my day and maybe a few general observations.
I had my last session with Joe (although he has put in for more under a number of circumstances i.e. Chronic depression, lack of social interaction, trust issues, suicidal and liable to self injure) and it went well - in a sense. I defended again, as usual. Pulled my knees up beneath my chin and just talked and watched and listened. He said something, I don't know what, but it just cut something. I started to cry and just rambled on about how I am this insignificant being. I give and give and eventually I cut off because, in turn, I am cut off. It's difficult to explain. I can't afford my rent, I'm in a relationship I don't want, I have major commitment issues, my only friend (my brother) is Alex, everyone else will leave - so much little petty things and they all just came spilling out.
I'm ashamed.
I came home and just went to bed. I was desperate not to eat but my stomach was on the verge of doubling me over so I did. Then I slept.
There's no point to this blog today - nothing at all. Except this: I can't live in this house for much longer or I'll lose my mind, they might lose a daughter. I'm in a course I hate, with a job I hate and an impending work experience which I will hate. I'm in a draining relationship which will go no where because I don't do commitment. I can't sleep, I don't physically want to eat but I do because it keeps people happy and it's just a struggle to get up in the morning. I think about suicide more times in one day/night than I can count. I feel as if my life is never going to begin and I'm this ghost that no one sees or cares about.
I don't expect you to understand. Why would you? You're a blog.
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