As much as I wish my anorexia was gone, it's not. I'm in good place. I have a lovely boyfriend, great friends, a social life and I am doing reasonably at school; but my weight is bothering me.
It's not like I have a choice to feel like this; I don't. I am trying so hard but I can't see what they see. I need to be smaller. I constantly feel that if I'm not thin then I have nothing else.
I won't throw up because as much as I really want to every time I eat, I can't. My teeth are fucked as they are, my knuckles would scar again. Besides, I've tried but I can never find the right time or get the gag to work.
Why isn't this easier?
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