Apparently hard work, sufferance and down right getting - the - fucking - grades isn't enough any more. Since when did everything become so fucking hard?
I've tried so hard to get on to Environmental Health because it's some thing I can see myself doing in the future. I refuse to be in a job I hate or a course I hate. (If I was entirely honest with myself I want to, with all my heart, write a book or become a counsellor but that's not going to happen because those things don't matter in the eyes of the person who will be helping me through university. Apparently I miss-understood and thought this was my life, but that's a different topic for a different time.)
I need this course to get out of here which is what I, without a doubt, need so badly. I thought it wasn't all as bad as it seemed because my head was going a mile a minute but my head is still moving too quickly and I see no future for me without it.
I suppose I had this one life line, well two, and now that it's getting further away I either chase it with all I have or lie down and kill myself. At the moment I am going for the latter because I'm tired and annoyed and just so mentally exhausted that my body is beginning to hurt. And it doesn't help living in a house with a woman who continually takes things the wrong way and shouts and deals with things like a bull.
I don't see any future with out this course. I'll just have to leave, switch off my mobile and not come home ever. It has always been my plan anyway.
It's just one blow after another for me.
I've tried so hard to get on to Environmental Health because it's some thing I can see myself doing in the future. I refuse to be in a job I hate or a course I hate. (If I was entirely honest with myself I want to, with all my heart, write a book or become a counsellor but that's not going to happen because those things don't matter in the eyes of the person who will be helping me through university. Apparently I miss-understood and thought this was my life, but that's a different topic for a different time.)
I need this course to get out of here which is what I, without a doubt, need so badly. I thought it wasn't all as bad as it seemed because my head was going a mile a minute but my head is still moving too quickly and I see no future for me without it.
I suppose I had this one life line, well two, and now that it's getting further away I either chase it with all I have or lie down and kill myself. At the moment I am going for the latter because I'm tired and annoyed and just so mentally exhausted that my body is beginning to hurt. And it doesn't help living in a house with a woman who continually takes things the wrong way and shouts and deals with things like a bull.
I don't see any future with out this course. I'll just have to leave, switch off my mobile and not come home ever. It has always been my plan anyway.
It's just one blow after another for me.
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